Out with the old and in with the new...

There's something soothing in the phrase, "out with the old and in with the new." New beginnings for each of us. A chance to change with the beginning of the new year. A time for reflection of the events that captured us and sometimes made us feel as though we were being held hostage and the review of those moments when we felt free, if only for a short while.

JANUARY 2008.... came and went without much fanfare. I was living in Susie's house on Tropicana Avenue and paying rent. Thoughts of her coming home later this year were starting to creep into my mind. It was a month of parties! Of course there were no party dresses for me to celebrate the New Year because I work in the gaming industry and "everybody" works the holiday (or else). Casino workers live in fear of getting sick, having an accident or missing work during these "peak holiday days" for fear of losing their jobs! A great way to start out a new year...isn't it? (Honestly...I've been working in the casino industry since 1986 and I've NEVER once seen it so busy that everyone had to be at work! But then again...I'll take that overtime pay anyday!!)

FEBRUARY 2008... My son celebrates his 30th birthday....and I recall those early days with his dad as we struggled to make a home and raise our new family.

MARCH 2008....A quiet month. Nothing to speak of here. Breathing in and breathing out. Looking forward to my FIRST income tax return in more than 25 years! OH NO!............Mandy and Alex are moving to Kansas!
They've bought a house! There's no changing their minds.....

APRIL 2008...All seems to be going well until the end of the month when I notice that my little girl Shitzu is getting weaker. She's been sick since she was born with liver shunt. Basically....toxins in her blood would build up and because the artery that carried the blood to her liver was not entering the liver, the toxins would keep circulating in her bloodstream. I knew that the end would be soon and I dreaded every day.
April 31st....I discovered that I was a diabetic. A shock to my senses and a wake up call about my own mortality.

MAY 2008...Morgan, my little shih Tzu, is put down. She just couldn't overcome the toxins. She was almost 2 years old. Diabetic tests, pills, training and new diet along with exercise is occupying my time. I'm afraid for the first time in my life and I realize that I won't die of diabetes but the complications from it. I've had my eyes checked, more blood tests, seen a foot doctor, walked on a treadmill and watched what I've eaten. I'm trying to stay on top of this new "wave" but feel myself occasionally being dragged into a depression. This month I celebrate my 55th birthday with one of the best times in my life! Mandy and Alex come back home for a surprise birthday bash! Emily and Jake, Brian, Tommy, and my sister Pat, her husband Bob and their granddaughter Suzy are all there! And then I am presented with one of the most beautiful gifts of all....a scrapbook of my life...a "time machine" of the past.

JUNE 2008... Summer is here. The temperatures are beginning to really climb. Brian and I are thinking about where we are going to go when Susie returns from Macau. I decide that I can not return to apartment living after being in a house for 2 years! Besides...I now have Chuckie the Chihuahua!!! Gordie was starting to pine away after losing Morgan and I was afraid that he wouldn't recover. He needed companionship! And Chuckie was perfect! Although the credit card shouldn't have seen such a drastic increase for the month...he was worth it!
This year my sister celebrated her 70th birthday! We had always talked about when she would be 70 and I would be 55 and here it was, the day had arrived. We went out for a birthday lunch with Bob, Brian and Suzy. It was fun.

It is time to start looking for a house. I contact Steve Thomsen and discuss the possibilities of me having my own house. Can I afford it? Are there special lending incentives for me to take advantage? Steve reassures me that there is something out there and begins to take me on the journey. The first house that I fall in love with just happens to be HUGE but needs much interior work. With no money for down payments and closing costs, where will I ever come up with money for paint and carpeting? I make an offer on the house, the bank counter offers and I walk away from the house. Good thing too! It was near the HOG farm! I tell Steve that I do NOT want to live in North Las Vegas. He tells me that this is where I can find some really great bargains on houses. I tell him that I don't want to live near the hog farm over and over again. It takes a while for it to sink in that I'm serious. Now begins the trips to the Hispanic neighborhoods and black neighborhoods in the areas that he tells me I can "afford" to buy a home. Brian is shocked as he escorts me to each house. I realize that my choices for a really nice house are dwindling. Brian decides that rather then having to come up with down payment money for an apartment of his own (first month, last month, security and cleaning fees....they all add up) he would like to purchase a house with me. I call Steve and tell him about our decision to purchase a house together. Steve now begins to show us properties that the two of us can afford. We make an offer on a house near my sister and brother in laws house. It is located in the same subdivision but only a much smaller home. Needless to say... this would not be the house for us. The bank accepts the other offer made over the weekend. Our spirits are beginning to sag...but I won't give up! The next day Steve tells me that he has another house in the area on Raven Creek Avenue that we can drive by and see if we'd like to take a look at it. We agree to go look at it and when we enter the house and see the laminate flooring....the vaulted ceilings in the living room, dining room and kitchen we discover that this is the house for us! Amazing!!! We make the offer on the house that day and wait.......and wait....the house has been foreclosed on by the bank and the bank is located on the east coast.

JULY 2008 ..........It's hot outside and we really start thinking about packing our things as well as going through things and throwing them away. We have soooo much to move! The bank has accepted our offer and now it's time to look forward to closing on the house. We have been told that we could close on the house in August! But Susie won't be home until October! OH no! As fate would have it....we didn't get the keys to the house until October....our first house payment due November 1st!

AUGUST 2008....Waiting and waiting to get the bank to sign off on our house so that we can get it funded! The wait is awful.

SEPTEMBER 2008... We are told that we will be closing on the house...maybe by the middle of September. Start packing! The middle of the month comes and we sign more papers. Then the end of September...and still no occupancy of our house!

OCTOBER 2008...We are homeowners! We have the keys! It's time to start moving our things from one end of town to the other. Slowly cleaning Susie's house as we move out. October 24th...the day that we shampoo her carpeting and close the house down until she returns. I put in a "last load" of clothes in our new washing machine in the new house and leave for Susies' house on the other side of town. It's 8 am....we return at 2 pm to discover that we have just lost all of the laminate flooring in our house due to a flood! The washing machine had been overflowing for 6 hours, pumping more than 9,000 gallons of water into the house. We were devastated at the destruction and what laid before us in the next few days.
One week later....I receive a phone call that Tom is dead. The color has gone completely out of my life and I wonder if I'll be able to recover.

NOVEMBER 2008....I fly to Pittsburg with my son Tom. He has just lost his dad and what I believe to be the "rudder" of his life. I am no substitute for a father. Mandy and Alex, Emily and Jake are arriving around the same time in Pittsburg. We are all so broken now. I can see it on their faces and I can sense that loss in their souls. I meet Tom's wife Linda, who is now his widow. I sense her loss and know just what a life she will be missing. I have no place among Tom's family. I have decided that after the wake I will return to my motel room. I will attend the funeral but will not attend any after funeral gatherings. I do not belong there. I am only there for my children. I pay my last respects to the best friend that I have ever had and begin the journey through the last part of my life without his presence. I miss him. I feel the cold creep into my life and know now that I am aging.

It's time to fly home. Susie will be returning from Macau in a few days. Her house looks nice and I am satisfied with leaving it in the condition that we did. All she would have to do is move her furniture back in. No cleaning.

Brian waits for me at the airport. I am glad to see him. We have much to do in the weeks to come. Thanksgiving is right around the corner and I realize that this will be the first holiday without Tom. Money is so scarce right now for me but I plan a dinner for the kids thinking that they will need to be with family. I later discover that Thanksgiving dinner was at Linda's house and that what I had prepared could have been cold sandwiches. It didn't take me long to discover that none of them were hungry and just why that was so. None of them had said that they were going to be going to Linda's for Thanksgiving....

DECEMBER 2008.... Emily and Jake have moved to Washington and right before Christmas. Tommy is living with Linda or on the street. He may not live with me for several reasons. First, this is not just my house. This house also belongs to Brian. And although Brian has told me that it is okay for Tommy to live here until he can find something of his own, I have decided that Tommy needs to apologize not only to Brian for his behavior but also to me for his behavior in Pittsburg. The second reason is that his anger is out of control and his drinking is something that I will not tolerate. I lived with an alcoholic father while growing up and saw him go through recovery. I will not subject myself to alcoholism again. When Tom and I were married we had an agreement that there would be NO alcohol in the house. Tommy was the first to break that rule by bringing in bottles of beer and stashing them behind the entertainment center, behind the couch....etc.

Christmas....no tree. No presents to give or to receive. No children to celebrate the season. Only two cards. One from my sister and one from Mandy and Alex.
Christmas day Brian and I go to my sisters house for dinner.

The economy sucks.....Brian talks about closing his shop....we will lose the house because of that? How long will the casino be able to afford me? Will I get laid off? ...................

Goodbye 2008.........