I HAVE DIABETES

The last day of April 2008 was a turning point in my life. One of the girls that I work with at Wynn Las Vegas casino was telling me that she had just discovered that she was a diabetic. We sat and talked and she was explaining how she has to test her blood sugar levels before she eats and after she eats by sticking herself with a pin, bleeding just a small drop of blood and putting it into a monitor to see how high or low her blood sugar level is. I sat and listened to her and it seemed that she was "teaching" me something important. I confided that I had NEVER had one of these tests before when she suggested that she could bring her monitor in and test me! I agreed. The test would have to be postponed until she returned from her scheduled days off from work. When she returned to work she brought her monitor and tested me. I was 465! She and a few other people in the room gasped! She said, "Oh Maggie this isn't good!" I looked at her like I must have had a hole in my head because I didn't understand "good" from "bad!" She then told me that normal should be between 80-110. A part of me was reeling from this news but the other part acted cool, calm and collected. Two hours later we tested again because maybe the test was wrong and after all....I had just had lunch! This time the test results would be normal....NOT! It showed 345...

I went home after work and called my doctor's office to explain what had happened and before I could ask what I should do the receptionist said that the doctor would want to see me that morning. She found the next available time and scheduled me for that morning. Brian drove me to the doctors and sat in the room with me. Yes, the tests were positive and I was diagnosed as a diabetic. Here's your new monitoring kit, here's how you test yourself, here's when you test yourself, here's the schedule to go to diabetic classes for 4 hours, here's a referral to see a dietician. You must see a podiatrist for your feet. You must go to an opthomologist for your eyes. Make sure you make an appointment to see a cardiologist and while you are at it, here's a prescription to have a pap test, a mammogram and oh...see your dentist too! You'll need to go to the lab and have some bloodwork done...here's an order for that.

Out of the office I went....overwhelmed and not knowing just what the hell happened to me!

Today...I am taking a prescription drug, Metformin 500mg, once a day with supper to help control my diabetic demon. I am to exercise 4 times a week at least 30 minutes each time. I've been using the treadmill but have slacked off for the last few days because my foot was a bit sore...like I twisted it or something. It's been almost a full month and I still have not seen NORMAL readings on my monitor.

I did go to the podiatrist and with a few tests he determined that I still have circulation to my feet and that I have not lost the nerve sensations in my feet and calves and knees. My feet look good. He gave me some lotion to use twice a day, told me to never go barefoot again and to check my feet daily to make sure that they have not been injured.

I went to the eye doctor....no damage to my eyes from the diabetes...a new lens prescription and two new pairs of eyeglasses. One sunglass, one regular.

I have not gone to the Cardiologist as of yet.....because I'm scared of him.

I have not gone to the Dentist as of yet.....because I have extensive work that needs to be done and no cash to cover my share after insurance pays.

I have not met with the dietician. This appointment is on the 29th of May.

My weight is slowly coming down....and that's a good thing. However....my spirit is low, I miss my kids and wish that they had just a little time for me right now. I understand what it's like to be young and in your own world but I hope that they will think of me from time to time.

More later on the diabetes demons.....

MORGAN WAS TOO SICK

My grief is still too strong as I write this.

In this photograph you will see Gordie, my male shih tsu. Look closely though and you will see that he crawled underneath Morgan to support her from the cold tile. I had put her sweater on her because she was shivering and not feeling well. Gordie's love and loyalty was amazing for his half sister.

On Friday May 23, 2008 I had to make a difficult decision with regards to my little female shih tsu. She had been ill for about a week with a slight cough. Although it came and went throughout the week, it never fully went away. I was concerned but thought that this wasn't something that was too serious. She began to withdrawal from her favorite foods and she drank enormous amounts of water. This made me think that she might have had canine diabetes. She started to become lethargic over the next few days, no interest in much of anything, a lot of sleeping and I soon noticed that it seemed as though her head had a wobble when she sat up. Brian and I decided to take her to the vet to see what could be wrong with her. The vet said that she was toxic with ammonia in her system (her liver couldn't filter out the ammonia as in dogs with fully functioning livers.) and suggested that she stay overnight to receive IV fluids to flush out the ammonia. I agreed that this was a good idea, thinking that in the morning she would be perky once again.

The next morning, this would be May 23, 2008, the vet called and said that Morgan was no different than when I brought her in the night before. She was non-responsive and he was concerned about getting her stabilized. He called a specialist to review her blood test and the specialist thought that this was test results from a dead dog. The specialist said that Morgan was a risk for the liver shunt operation even if she did stabilize. My heart began to break. The vet suggested that we try an antibiotic because he did feel that there was a seondary infection somewhere and that this may be part of the liver shunt problem to begin with. He did not want to give up on her so easily. I agreed to allow him to give her an antibiotic that morning but after thinking about what she was up against I called him back to tell him that I thought that it was time that I put her down. He listened, understood and agreed to withhold any more antibiotics from her treatment. Brian and I drove to the clinic to sign the papers to have her put down and for her to join a communal cremation.

Then we were taken to a small room where they brought her out to us and laid her on the towel covered table. She never moved for us. Although her eyes were open, I could see that it was her time to move on and my time to break inside. I gave her a kiss, told her that she had been a wonderful dog and that it was okay for her to leave me. Brian stood behind me, supporting me and cried too. She had been such a huge part in our lives over the almost past two years. With that we asked for the doctor to return to the room where he tried his best to console both of us and told him that it was time to let her go.

He told us that he was so sorry, gently picked Morgan up from the table and carried her into the back room where she would find her end.

We left the clinic alone and broken.

Morgan was one of the best dogs that I had ever cared for....and will always hold a place in my heart.

As for her mate, Gordie....he's lost. He looks for her in every sound that the house makes, or that comes from outside. His appetite isn't as good. I can definitely see the loss that he suffers. Brian and I have considered another dog for his companionship and will begin looking soon.