Today it's a bit windy and wintery cold outside. The windchimes on my patio are getting a little workout and the sound of them makes me feel happy. I have always loved windchimes and no matter what they look like or how inexpensive (or expensive) I'll hang them up and sit outside and enjoy them.
I was looking around the house today in an effort to make a list of the "to do" things that really need to be tackled. I noticed that my garbage disposal wasn't working last week and when Jake and Emily were here, Jake looked at it with Brian to see if it could be fixed. It's as old as the house and probably under-rated for a disposal. I'll need to purchase another one and do it soon!
The insurance money should be in our account at the end of December which means that we will be making one final pass through the tile departments to make sure that we picked out the one that we like the best. Then it's a phone call to the man that will be doing the installation to set up a start time. I'm soooo excited to get this show started! It's been since October 24th that our new house has been torn up. We really never got to move into the house totally when the flood occurred. I will be putting in new tile in the laundry room, and hallway closets, and the two bathrooms. The carpeting will come last and that is going to be soooooo awesome on our feet! (I'm laughing here because the carpeting in the master bedroom and the little front bedroom (off of the living room) doesn't have any padding underneath it. My bedroom (the one in the front of the house) only has a partial pad underneath it (that's where the cleaning crew had to rip it out because it was getting wet too!) Thank heavens that the water didn't get up to the bed because underneath my bed is storage of all sorts of treasures!
Anyway...I'm starting to feel a bit excited over getting it all put together.
Now I'm going to continue to pray that Brian can manage to either keep a few accounts from going to someone else, or if he should have to close his shop like he spoke about the other day, that he will be able to get another job that will support him and allow him to make his 1/2 of the mortgage payment and bills of this house.
I haven't heard anything from Tommy since he mentioned that he needed a place to stay when Emily and Jake asked him to leave their home. He knows that he has apologies to make and a lifestyle to change before he will be able to live with me. Until then he has found a bed in Linda's house.
Do I feel good that Linda has taken my son in and kept him out of the cold...? Yes I do. But I also feel it's just one more slap in the face from one of my children that he would choose the easy way out of a bad situation.
Am I a bit angry about him living with his stepmother? I'd be a liar if I said that I wasn't. He should be taking care of his own mother and not disrespecting me. You know...I read the blogs here and I see the love that the girls had for their dad and the honor that their blogs have paid him. What I don't see is one word about me. Not even an honorable mention that I even attended their dad's wake and funeral to be with them, to give them support and to show my respect for their dad too.
Is it a sick sense of jealousy that I can see the love that they had for Tom and none for me? Do I feel it intensify when I hear that Tommy is living with his stepmother rather than his mother or even one of his friends? You bet I do. Will it ever get better between Tommy and myself? Not until he grows up and learns to be responsible for himself, his wife and his child. Not until he completely stops drinking and gets his life under control. Not until he seeks help from someone who is a professional and impartial person that will help him get back on track. Tommy won't listen to me. He won't allow me to help him. He won't take my advice and he's filled with anger...rage! We can't even have a civil conversation without him blowing up and dumping his bad behavior all over me. His behavior towards me at the motel in Perryopolis in front of the rest of my family will be something that I will NEVER forget. I will also NEVER forget that there wasn't one person in that room that stopped him from saying the harmful things that he was saying to me during my time of grief.
However I will say one thing that I've observed about Tommy.....it's okay to let your mom pay your way so that you can get to your dad's funeral and back home and it's okay for your aunt to pay for your wife and your child to attend the funeral, and it's okay to ask your mom to bail you out for the child support that you don't have to make a payment because you spent it with your friends at a club or a casino or at the liquor store....but it's not okay to say, "Mom, I'm really sorry for my behavior in Pennsylvania and I didn't mean to say the things that I said. I also didn't mean to call Brian "a piece of shit" and then ask him to help complete Emily's dresser that his dad was building for her. It is okay to stay at your stepmom's house, eat her food, drink her beverages and have bad personal hygiene.
Re-reading what I just wrote......it's good that he isn't here with me under all of these open wounds. It will be up to him to mature, to become "1/10th the man his father was" and to step up to the plate and do the right thing.
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