I HAVE DIABETES

The last day of April 2008 was a turning point in my life. One of the girls that I work with at Wynn Las Vegas casino was telling me that she had just discovered that she was a diabetic. We sat and talked and she was explaining how she has to test her blood sugar levels before she eats and after she eats by sticking herself with a pin, bleeding just a small drop of blood and putting it into a monitor to see how high or low her blood sugar level is. I sat and listened to her and it seemed that she was "teaching" me something important. I confided that I had NEVER had one of these tests before when she suggested that she could bring her monitor in and test me! I agreed. The test would have to be postponed until she returned from her scheduled days off from work. When she returned to work she brought her monitor and tested me. I was 465! She and a few other people in the room gasped! She said, "Oh Maggie this isn't good!" I looked at her like I must have had a hole in my head because I didn't understand "good" from "bad!" She then told me that normal should be between 80-110. A part of me was reeling from this news but the other part acted cool, calm and collected. Two hours later we tested again because maybe the test was wrong and after all....I had just had lunch! This time the test results would be normal....NOT! It showed 345...

I went home after work and called my doctor's office to explain what had happened and before I could ask what I should do the receptionist said that the doctor would want to see me that morning. She found the next available time and scheduled me for that morning. Brian drove me to the doctors and sat in the room with me. Yes, the tests were positive and I was diagnosed as a diabetic. Here's your new monitoring kit, here's how you test yourself, here's when you test yourself, here's the schedule to go to diabetic classes for 4 hours, here's a referral to see a dietician. You must see a podiatrist for your feet. You must go to an opthomologist for your eyes. Make sure you make an appointment to see a cardiologist and while you are at it, here's a prescription to have a pap test, a mammogram and oh...see your dentist too! You'll need to go to the lab and have some bloodwork done...here's an order for that.

Out of the office I went....overwhelmed and not knowing just what the hell happened to me!

Today...I am taking a prescription drug, Metformin 500mg, once a day with supper to help control my diabetic demon. I am to exercise 4 times a week at least 30 minutes each time. I've been using the treadmill but have slacked off for the last few days because my foot was a bit sore...like I twisted it or something. It's been almost a full month and I still have not seen NORMAL readings on my monitor.

I did go to the podiatrist and with a few tests he determined that I still have circulation to my feet and that I have not lost the nerve sensations in my feet and calves and knees. My feet look good. He gave me some lotion to use twice a day, told me to never go barefoot again and to check my feet daily to make sure that they have not been injured.

I went to the eye doctor....no damage to my eyes from the diabetes...a new lens prescription and two new pairs of eyeglasses. One sunglass, one regular.

I have not gone to the Cardiologist as of yet.....because I'm scared of him.

I have not gone to the Dentist as of yet.....because I have extensive work that needs to be done and no cash to cover my share after insurance pays.

I have not met with the dietician. This appointment is on the 29th of May.

My weight is slowly coming down....and that's a good thing. However....my spirit is low, I miss my kids and wish that they had just a little time for me right now. I understand what it's like to be young and in your own world but I hope that they will think of me from time to time.

More later on the diabetes demons.....

MORGAN WAS TOO SICK

My grief is still too strong as I write this.

In this photograph you will see Gordie, my male shih tsu. Look closely though and you will see that he crawled underneath Morgan to support her from the cold tile. I had put her sweater on her because she was shivering and not feeling well. Gordie's love and loyalty was amazing for his half sister.

On Friday May 23, 2008 I had to make a difficult decision with regards to my little female shih tsu. She had been ill for about a week with a slight cough. Although it came and went throughout the week, it never fully went away. I was concerned but thought that this wasn't something that was too serious. She began to withdrawal from her favorite foods and she drank enormous amounts of water. This made me think that she might have had canine diabetes. She started to become lethargic over the next few days, no interest in much of anything, a lot of sleeping and I soon noticed that it seemed as though her head had a wobble when she sat up. Brian and I decided to take her to the vet to see what could be wrong with her. The vet said that she was toxic with ammonia in her system (her liver couldn't filter out the ammonia as in dogs with fully functioning livers.) and suggested that she stay overnight to receive IV fluids to flush out the ammonia. I agreed that this was a good idea, thinking that in the morning she would be perky once again.

The next morning, this would be May 23, 2008, the vet called and said that Morgan was no different than when I brought her in the night before. She was non-responsive and he was concerned about getting her stabilized. He called a specialist to review her blood test and the specialist thought that this was test results from a dead dog. The specialist said that Morgan was a risk for the liver shunt operation even if she did stabilize. My heart began to break. The vet suggested that we try an antibiotic because he did feel that there was a seondary infection somewhere and that this may be part of the liver shunt problem to begin with. He did not want to give up on her so easily. I agreed to allow him to give her an antibiotic that morning but after thinking about what she was up against I called him back to tell him that I thought that it was time that I put her down. He listened, understood and agreed to withhold any more antibiotics from her treatment. Brian and I drove to the clinic to sign the papers to have her put down and for her to join a communal cremation.

Then we were taken to a small room where they brought her out to us and laid her on the towel covered table. She never moved for us. Although her eyes were open, I could see that it was her time to move on and my time to break inside. I gave her a kiss, told her that she had been a wonderful dog and that it was okay for her to leave me. Brian stood behind me, supporting me and cried too. She had been such a huge part in our lives over the almost past two years. With that we asked for the doctor to return to the room where he tried his best to console both of us and told him that it was time to let her go.

He told us that he was so sorry, gently picked Morgan up from the table and carried her into the back room where she would find her end.

We left the clinic alone and broken.

Morgan was one of the best dogs that I had ever cared for....and will always hold a place in my heart.

As for her mate, Gordie....he's lost. He looks for her in every sound that the house makes, or that comes from outside. His appetite isn't as good. I can definitely see the loss that he suffers. Brian and I have considered another dog for his companionship and will begin looking soon.

THE CHRISTMAS VISITOR OR NEW ROOM MATE

On Christmas Eve 2007, Brian and I were sitting on the couch talking when Gordie, my male shih tsu, made this low "throaty" growl. This got our attention as he rarely makes that sort of a growl when playing with Morgan (my female shih tsu). We shrugged our shoulders and continued talking. Within a minute, Gordie was making some serious growling noises that seemed to us something worth investigating. Sooo...Brian gets up from the couch (thinking that an intruder was outside the patio door and Gordie was warning us) and I follow him. He goes into the kitchen and says to me..."There's a RAT on top of the broom handle!!" I look and sure enough....somebody's white rat has gotten loose, found MY doggie door and has come in from the fridgid weather outside.

It took us just a few minutes to grab the old birdcage, toss in some shredded bills and advertisements for credit cards, a piece of a carrot, some birdseed and an apple slice and a cup of water. As we were staring down on this little RAT, Brian looks at me and says...."We've got a RAT!"

I quickly responded by saying...."NOOOOOoooo.....YOU'VE got a RAT! Merry Christmas!"

We both laughed...the rat ate the food, drank a big drink of water and quickly curled up in the shredded paper for a Christmas Eve snooze. (Rats are pretty smart, they waste no time asking questions!)

We decided that if it was a girl....her name would be EVE. (for Christmas eve) And if he was a boy...his name would be FROSTY (for the fridgid weather conditions outside that night)

Anyway....it's a RAT!!! Some kid lost his pet...or some snake missed his meal!

Mama

MORGAN SAYS..."HAPPY NEW YEAR!" WOOF!

Here's Morgan, my female Shih Tsu, dressed up in her little sweater! She's a sweet little girl that brings so much joy into my life!
Morgan needs an operation to correct a problem called Liver Shunt. Basically, waste by products in her blood aren't being carried to her liver for filtration, but are bypassing the liver and keep circulating in her body. She and Gordie are on an all vegatable and fruit diet prepared by ME every day. They have not had pet food for almost an entire year. I'm saving (or trying to save) for her surgery. The vets tell me that the surgey will cost anywhere from 2600.00 to 3000.00 but will extend her life from seven years to the normal 14 years for her breed. It's a challenge to save this kind of money when prices of food, gasoline and basic housing keep going up and up and UP!

Anyway....Morgan just wanted to say: "HAPPY NEW YEAR!! WOOF!"

MY CHRISTMAS PRESENT

Yesterday was such a wonderful day for me! It was the day that Mandy, Emily and Jake, and Brian and I got together for our Christmas dinner and gift exchange! I was sad to see that Alex could not be with us because he had to work. He did call though and told me that he was sorry that he couldn't be with us! (That was so sweet of him to take the time out of his busy schedule to make the call.)
I can't express the feelings that I have when my kids call me on the telephone, or stop by for an impromptu visit, or just come over to share a holiday meal.

Our time together was a bit late in the evening due to the fact that both of the girls had to work all day. (I give them a lot of credit for being able to stay up so late and still have sunny dispositions!) Our dinner was at 6 p.m. and consisted of a 12 pound glazed spiral cut ham, mashed potatos, apple sauce (which nobody brought to the table hahaaa!)corn, baked beans with onions, hot rolls with butter, and a refreshing beverage of choice. I had coffee while the rest had either root beer or Dr. Pepper or just plain old water. Jake said blessing (he's so good at this and I know that it is always sincere!) and afterwards we "dug in!" I have to admit, the ham was very tasty! The glaze was a bit different from my usual, but I didn't have any TANG drink mix to give it that orange bite! All in all I think dinner was great. ( I was hungry too and that always helps)

We finished dinner, sat around and talked for a little bit and then decided that it was time to pass out the presents!! It never fails to be everyone's favorite part of Christmas get togethers. We moved from the dining room into the formal living room and began our gift exchange. Mandy and Emily sat on the floor near me while Brian and Jake occupied the lazy boy recliners.
Brian was really tickled to be part of our Christmas gift exchange. Jake looked on with anticipation!

It was fun to open each present, but it was so much more fun for me to watch the girls exchange their gifts to one another with hopes that each would like the gift that they had just been given.

Mandy gave Emily 3 cute little snowman figurines. (Emily collected snowmen for Christmas last year but this year switched to Santa figurines! ....go figure!) Anyway...these were special snowmen made by Thomas Kincaid (don't know if that's how you spell his last name or not). The detail on each little snowman was incredible! I know that Emily loved them.

Emily gave Mandy her present and watched her open it up....it was this fantastic book on bed and breakfast places around the United States. Mandy and Alex have always dreamed of opening their own bed and breakfast someday and of course this is going to get the juices flowing again for them!

Emily gave me a wonderful book (how did she know this??)on great weekend getaways from Las Vegas!!! Before the gasoline prices went ballistic, I was out of town each week on my days off from the casino. (I'll tell you at another time just how much I abhor working in the casino!) So reading this book will have me heading out to parts known and unknown once again! To hell with the gasoline prices....I'm not getting any younger and by darn, I'm going to enjoy my life!

Ok...enough drama.

So...Mandy gave me a packagethat was small and squishy. I opened it to find slipper socks!! I swear thatBrian must have told her what I really wanted because she came through with flying colors. These socks are sooo soft. I will be wearing these to bed!! lol The colors are soft pastels. If you knew me, you'd know that I've never had anything that was very feminine. All during my marriage of 25 years, I wore sweatshirts, sweat pants, blue jeans and tee shirts. If I wore a dress it wasn't all that flattering as old photos show. So...these little pastel slipper socks were "VERY feminine" to me.
Oh...but that wasn't the best part! I told everyone that I wanted a sleepshirt for Christmas. But what I received is what you'll see in this picture of me here. Cool huh? Mandy gave me two nightshirts. But they weren't the usual kind that I would have received years ago. These were soft with pretty flowers on them and SATIN cuffs and collar! I honestly felt as though I was royalty! No, this isn't drama here....this is talking straight from the heart. I really felt as though I had "arrived!" Finally....at the age of 54!

Brian and Jake were busy talking to one another, sharing and laughing. Brian received wonderful Bible Study guides from Mandy and Alex. Jake received a mat to put under his sleeping bag when he goes camping. Of course we were all ready to pack up and go somewhere...but not until Jake is feeling better. He went to the doctor and found out that he has bronchitis! Get better Jake! Brian brought out his Southwest Indian flute and stand to show everyone and of course to show a few notes that he had practiced. (I must admit that this flute sounds really great!) Brian and Jake went outside to look through Brian's new binoculars but ended up taking out the telescope to look skyward! (These two have quite a bit in common!) I know that Brian enjoys Jake's company and conversation.

So...back to the girls...

Emily handed me a present that felt like a book....looked like one too! I opened it and it was so much more than a book! It was a leather bound gold edged journal for writing! And it had lines!!! I told Jake that I really don't like the journals that are just blank pages because I begin to doodle in them instead of writing. Haha! Anyway....this was a terrific gift and came at such a time in my life where I feel that I could write forever. (Must be a melancholy stage I'm going through?) I will begin to use this journal starting January of 2008~ perfect timing for so many new things that I will be doing.

I watched Mandy opening presents from Emily, and as usual, Emily finds the coolest little gifts to give! (I'm going to have her followed next year when she starts her Christmas shopping! haha) Mandy received these little figurines of the Holy Family! They are sooo darn cute. In one of the little figurine family, they all have the "Edward Scissor Hands" look. We got such a kick out of them! As much as I love to look at the Holy Family with respect...these gave me a little glimpse at the "fun and loving side" of the Holy Family.

Next Emily handed me a little gift too! I opened it up and it was the cutest Holy Family standing on top of a little block that reads: "JESUS IS THE REASON FOR THE SEASON"

You know....I just couldn't agree more!! And as I close this little blog and begin another day, I ask that Heavenly Father watch over my children both near and far, protect them from harm, and give each of them the strength that they will need to face the challenges of the day! I always ask this in Jesus's holy name....Amen.

Until next blog....
Mama

Gordie

MERRY CHRISTMAS! WOOF!

Thoughts about my kids

I have 3 kids but they aren't. Aren't? What do I mean by that? Well they aren't "kids." My oldest,who I call Mandy, (who everyone else in the world knows her by Amanda) is 31 years old! It just seems like a few years ago that she was all mine, tiny and needing hugs and kisses and rocking in the rocking chair. Just the two of us for a little while. Now Mandy has Alex to comfort her and I really pray that he does a good job of it.

Then there's Tommy. He's 29 years old! It won't be long and he'll hit that "Big 30!" It's hard to believe that he's married with a son of his own! Where has the time gone..? Can anyone tell me? He lives in Alabama where Rachael and her family are from. He is so far from where he wants to be right now. He wants his son. I know that he wanted to make his marriage work. I have no idea how to help him other then to be here when he needs me. My thoughts are: Tommy is my greatest worry with a marriage that has failed and a future with his child so uncertain.

And last of all is Emily. She is 26 years old! Now I know that I'm really getting old when my "baby" is past 25! It wasn't that long ago...was it? Each year at Christmas I think of Emily when she was just a tiny little thing wanting to know what was in the box that Grandpa and Grandma Harris sent to us. There was a tiny hole in the box about the size of a pencil. Just the right size for her to stick her little finger in and wiggle the hole a little bigger! We all laughed as she worked to get a peek into that box!

I'd go back in time if I could. Just once more to see all of them as babies. Sweet smelling, soft and safely held in my arms. There's nothing better in life then those moments between mother and child. Or mother and children.